A Mind Battle: Daleks vs Cybermen

For the Daleks: Peter Quinn

For the Cybermen: David Parkinson


DP: First of all, the Cybermen are much scarier than the Daleks. I mean, the Cybermen used to be JUST LIKE YOU, The Daleks used to be alien humanoids. The Daleks couldn’t even get up the stairs until 1987, for peats sake!


PQ: The daleks have been striking fear into the hearts of britain since the second story. If you ask anyone of the older generation about doctor who, daleks will crop up most. The cybermen are just pathetic, i mean a homeless person could make a better costume from a bin than from what the bbc did for the original cybermen. 4 Daleks BEAT AN ARMY OF CYBERMEN. Daleks have remained VERY high in every poll for scariest monsters. Daleks have a backstory and are integral for many plot arcs, cybermen are there, say some bollocks and then are gone.


DP: The Daleks are overused and always get defeated in the same way. Sure, the Cybermen may not be trying to use a reality bomb, or assassinate the High Council on Gallifrey, but they always have plots that MAKE SENSE. They try to eliminate their weakness to gold in Revenge, they try to avert their own planet's destruction in Attack, and they have one of the best episodes ever in Earthshock. What do the Daleks have? a whole line of serial featuring their creator, who seems to survive more times then the bad X Factor contestant who's kept in for viewing figures.


PQ: Right, Cybermen are all for upgrading to be better. Daleks aren't-because they're ALREADY the best in warfare. Daleks were a central part of the raging time war because the only species they felt threatened by was the time lords. And lets face it- Davros is a BAMF- whereas to become a higher "rank" as a cyberman you just paint your handles black. Emperor Dalek was a hard boss to beat as he was MASSIVE and had a cool voice. Cybermen had cybermats...which is like their bugs or something. DALEKS come in a variety of colours, shapes and sizes too- Cybermen are just plain.


DP: For one, the Dalek Emperor couldn't move, he was stuck, where as the Cyber Controller could move. The Cybermen are more effecient, and get much more important stories. In the Five Doctors, for example, only one Dalek appears, where as a whole legion of Cybermen show up, and actually do something threatening, where as the Dalek spins around and blows itself up


PQ: John Lumic- All i'm saying.


DP: Daleks that get defeated by mirrors- All I'm saying


PQ: Throwing Gold Glitter kills a cyberman- A stuck-up middle class princess could defeat one at an art club


DP: Daleks are so overused, 2 movies that are terrible and an adult film were based around them


PQ: Emotions as a weakness? Sounds like the weakness of a girl who's just been dumped


DP: A Dalek was killed by a middle classed shop assistant touching it. AND, AND the mutant is just a FISH SHOP reject. Also, Evolution of the Daleks, and the musical titled Daleks in Manhatten are weak


PQ: Cybermen have no clear goal, now daleks: Not only are they godly and fantastic, but they have a clear goal!

They don't want to enslave humans. They want to kill them! Get rid of em! And it's not just humans, they want to kill EVERYTHING NON-DALEK! How badass is that!?

DP: The Cybermen do have a clear goal, to make everyone like them.


CONCLUSIONS


DP: In Conclusion, Daleks just try to blow up the Universe. The Cybermen just want to make it like them


PQ: Cybermen<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Daleks




What do you think? Are you pro-Cyber, or do you just want to exterminate everything you can?

Things that are Worse than The Twin Dilemma

By David Parkinson, Cyberman bit by Peter Quinn


The Twin Dilemma was voted the worst serial ever in Doctor Who Magazines Mighty 200. Here are things worse then it:

• Doctor In Distress

This is what a human hears before Death comes to take them to Candyland or whatever. Colin Baker singing, along with some T-List singing "sensations" makes for some rather distressing things. Recorded when the show was on hiatus. To be honest, they thought it was going to be cancelled, and Anthony Ainley and Nick Courtney are in it, so I guess in terms of Who people in it, it's quite alright. But the song's utterly shit.

• The acting in Timelash

Especially the old man who's meant to be the Borad. He needs more lessons. And actual talent.

• Dalek Sec's a Human now

It's been said about one hundred trillion times before, a lot by me, so I'm going to skip over that

• Dimensions In Time

Take all 7 Doctors (at the time of broadcast), get a man who's job is to produce the series (J N-T), take some of the Doctor's enemies (Daleks, Ogrons, Draconians and Cybermen) and about every single companion he's ever had, and stick them in one charity special. If this already sounds cluttered to you, add to it the fact that it's a crossover with Eastenders (For none UK viewers, EastEnders is a soap opera that's mostly viewed by pensioners and housewives) and put a really very embarrasing speech read by an old and very out of place Tom Baker, in which he says the Rani "Hates Christmas and Children." What a bitch.

• The Tremas Master costume

What are you, a man or a weird 20's dark Clown juggler?

• Everyone is now John Simm

Because that motherfucker can do whatever he wants. Nothing against Simm, by the way.

• The Kandyman is comin' to town

A camp homicidal robot made of Bertie Basset's Allsorts that's weakened by Lemonade. Yep, that's pedophile material for you

• The Slitheen

The Slitheen are really a big mess. For one, the fact that they're not totally CGI makes for awkward bits where the CGI and the actual suits look awful in comparison.

• Fear Her

The unforgiving piece of shitty shit that is Fear Her has only one good use: The source of jokes between me and a good friend, who, believe it or not, is also linked to this blog you are reading.

• Chloe Webber

Firstly: I'm not a giant racist. No, again, I'm not Sepp Blatter. I'm talking about the acting used in Fear Her , in particular Chloe Webber, who's actress plays her as she is: a moron.

• Tegan's Hair Curtains

Consult the review of " A Fix With Sontarans" on this blog for more details.

• K9

Consult "Why I Hate K9" again, on this blog, for more details

• Honorary: The Cybermen 

I just think they're stupid, overused and gold is a pathetic weakness. Their revamp was dumb and boring, Closing Time was an abomination, Delete is NOT a good catchphrase as it sounds like a broken computer, their voice is irritating also. They look clunky and basic AND 4 Daleks beat an army of them. Therefore, Daleks are better.

• Adric

Adric's a snotty show off. He'll always be one, in my eyes. Saying that, I felt as sad as a Weeping Angel when he died. More so because he killed innocent Dinosaurs. Rest in Peace, my reptilian brethren. Gone too soon.

Review of The Five Doctors

By David Parkinson




Written by: Terrance Dicks
Directed by: Peter Moffat/ John Nathan-Turner(uncredited)
Starring: William Hartnell (footage), Richard Hurndall, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tomb Baker (footage), Peter Davison, Anthony Ainley, Nicholas Courtney, Janet Fielding, Mark Strickson, Elisabeth Sladen, Philip Latham.


Doctor Who was twenty. That in itself needed celebration, but how? Well, you bring back the first 4 Doctors to join your current 5th one, and see what happens. of course, by this time the great William Hartnell was dead, so Richard Hurndall took his place. Hurndall tries to convey Hartnell's personality, and does it a bit bad, but good at the same time. And of course, if you're going to have the Doctors, you're going to have the best of his enemies. Which, in this case, consists of one Dalek, who kills itself almost immediately appearing to challenge Hurndall and a rather mature Susan. Let's call it the Skaro redshirt. Also among the group of atagonists are the over relied on Cybermen, a lone Yeti who is the remnant of the original games of Rassilon, and The Master, although he doesn't get snippy until the climax, where he's rather awesomely floored by Nick Courtney. By rather awesomely, I mean amazingly greatly, and an amusing and awesome move from the Brig.

But the real villain of the set-piece is Borusa, who wants to be immortal so he can rule Gallifrey forever. Here's where the plot hole comes in. If Borusa wants immortality, and he offers the Master a new set of regenerations, therefore he himself could just get a new set of regenerations and not bother to set out the Doctors to retrieve it for him. And, contrary to fan belief, it was never going to be Omega who was behind it all. Never, ever, ever.

But, in the end, Borusa gets his just deserts, forced to live as a stone bust thingy forever. This climax also gives the Brigidier a chance to get re aqquainted with Sarah Jane and Tegan, thankfully without the weird Hair curtains, and a chance for the Brig to floor Anthony Ainley.

Of course, the very obvious exclusion is Tom Baker. Baker, famously, declined to return to the role, a decision he would later regret very much. So, just like Hartnell in the Three Doctors, he's said to be in a time eddy, this time in the Vortex. So they took a publicity photo with a waxwork Baker, but you can hardly see any difference

Although I don't remember Tom Baker looking like a Hispanic Tom Jones.

The ending, which isn't intended to be a sombre, just makes me, I don't know about you, feel a bit sad.

You'll love

• It's most of The Doctors!
• It's like a Doctor Who wet-dream
• The sublime acting
• Nick Courtney flooring Anthony Ainley

You'll hate

• Tom Baker not getting involved properly
• The worst use of the Daleks since Daleks in Manhattan
• Over-reliance on Cybermen

Rating: 4.6/5

Review of The Tomb of The Cybermen

By David Parkinson

Writer: Kit Pedler and Gerry Davis
Director: Morris Barry
Starring: Patrick Troughton, Frazer Hines, Deborah Watling, Roy Stewart, George Pastell,  Michael Kilgarriff

Fans were ecstatic when The Tomb of The Cybermen was rediscovered completely in Hong Kong. They flocked to every HMV or Virgin they could find, and bought it like crazy, only to discover that it wasn't the best. The special effects are next to shite, to be honest.

Basically, the Tardis lands on Telos, the resting place of the Cybermen. But The Doctor, Jamie and Victoria aren't the only humans there. There's also another group of people, on an expedition to find the lost eponymous tomb. They find it by pure luck, and soon the Doctor is dragged along. Troughton is at his best in this serial, playing the Doctor with  pure comedic balance perfectly mixed with a dramatic touch. It shows his full ability as a great actor.
 Anyhow, one of the people die trying to open the doors to the tomb, by means of electrocution. This is just the start of death, and foreshadows the ending. After this little niggle, the group enter and find that the set looks very Cyberman-ish. Well, I saw that, but all that really defines it as Cyberman-ish is the awesome emblem that adorns most of the Tomb.

The serial is also known for introducing the concept of the Cyber Controller and the Cybermats. The mats in this serial differ from those seen in Revenge of THe Cybermen and Closing Time. Basically, here, they're made of tarp and foam. Really obvious foam.

By the end, most of them are dead, Toberman, one of the main character's manservants, is partially converted into a Cyberman, and The Doctor and Jamie are in danger of becoming Cybermen. However, they manage to escape the Tomb, but not without the death of Toberman, closing the Tomb doors but electrocuting himself and the Controller. The Doctor claims that this should be the end of the Cyberman. He obviously doesn't see the Cybermat escape the Tomb......

The problem with the remastering of the story is that the obvious wires and dummies that were used are, well, obvious. Especially the wire used to lift Toberman up above the Controller's head.

You'll love

• Troughton's acting
• The Cybermen

You'll hate

• The special effects
• The persistent human antagonists

You'll laugh at

• The naff special effects

Rating: 3/5