The 6 Worst Outings for The Doctor onscreen.

Wait, what's that you say? All Who is good Who? Well, I'm slightly inclined to agree. But there's just some stories that don't either hold up, make sense, or just are let down by the script/acting/direction.


6: Aliens Of London/World War 3

Why it sucks: There are certain things that belong in Doctor Who: Aliens, drama, credible villains, the Doctor saving the day. This has fart jokes.

AOL/WW3 is the low point of the 2005 revival series. The Slitheen awkwardly transition between CGI and costumes, and their constant farting and the petty jokes made about it are just dumb. And then there's the way they die. Explosion is already overused, but by putting it over the top by making them let out huge, and I mean HUGE, amounts of green sludge bits and splattering them all over people (Little tidbit: The splattering doesn't match the place where the Slitheen are standing), is just taking it over the top. And the plot s just idiotic to say the least. Yep, so Mickey can just hack into a high class Government website (Oh wait...) and direct missiles toward THE MOST IMPORTANT BUILDING IN ENGLAND. Oh and Jackie's a female dog in this.

And then they became SJA's Daleks.

5: The Two Doctors

Why it sucks: Because you can't just expect to have a great story by setting it abroad and getting a man who's tired of writing things featuring his own creations to script it.

The Two Doctors holds a special place in my heart, not because when I watched it I was suffering from some kind of illness that made me poo out a gallon of water, but because it's the last time Troughton played the Doctor on screen. And Holmes' script doesn't feature him enough to make it a proper send off. Add that to facts that the Androgums are flipping annoying, the Sontarans being brought in and shown for less than 2/2 of the story, and you have a terrible story.

Don't look so smug, you're the worst bit of it.

4: Fear Her

Why it sucks: Fear the awful child actor! No wait, fear her Dad made of graphite! No wait, fear the fact that you've wasted 45 minutes watching something you'll never get back!

Fear Her is just a bag of hot, steaming crap force fed through the rear end of a man who's just taken a very powerful laxative. Not only does it have one of the most unscary, dumb villains, it has some of the worst acting ever seen on Doctor Who (But certainly not the worst), and has probably the worst ending of Tennant's era.

Oh, and the Doctor thought this was a cat at first.

3: Warriors of The Deep

 Why it sucks: The Myrka. The awfully redesigned Sea Devils. The unnecessary subplot involving the scientist and the other guy.

WoTD is a masterclass of how terrible it can be if your Prime minister causes strikes. This thing was delayed majorly, which is shown by the lumbering dumbbutt that is the Myrka. With jowls full of greenish felt saliva, and a hide made of jayclothes and green (not even dry) paint, and then there's the Sea Devils. They're dressed up as pointy shouldered Samurai, with the mightiest Trachea this side of Timbuktu.

Now, tell me that isn't mighty

The Silurians don't get away easily. The whole time I watched WoTD I kept having a nagging suspicion I saw that voice and feel before...

2: Timelash

Why it sucks: For one, it has one of the WORST twist endings ever, explained in this picture I made for you:

And then he becomes the Loch Ness Monster, which was a first fo- Hang on a minute.... Oh, and somehow the Doctor and H.G. Wells (Yes, and he's as scrawny as a chicken), survive the Tardis being hit by a missile (WITH NO EXPLANATION) sent by awful rubbery foamish Caterpillars.

and finally, the one we've all been waiting for.......

1: Time Flight

Why it sucks: The Master's a weird gibberish spouting racist, Nyssa and the Doctor get attacked by bubbles and Adric's ghost.

  Time-Flight gets lots of stick for being, well, awful. Not only do we have the Master dressed as a wizard, mumbling incoherently to himself, for NO REASON WHATSOEVER(!), then decides to melt his own face off and reveal his true identity, while having trouble stripping off his Wizard garb.

Insert crude racist one liner here.

And then there's the Concorde passengers and crew. Somehow, pilots (one has the most adult film starish moustache ever) who've never flown a time machine ever, manage to direct the Tardis away from the Master. Also, the Master randomly opens the TCE from time to time without anyone getting hurt, eg In front of the Doctor and the passengers while talking to them.

  This is also the one where one companion goes, one stays, and one shows up as a weird illusion ghost thingy. Tegan is basically left behind, while the Doctor and Nyssa head off, next to be seen around Amsterdam. Adric's weird illusion shows up, as the Melkur and a Terileptil. 

  And finally, the plot hole: Just how does the Master's TCE work on 1) a collective intelligence, and 2) How do the bodies get into the place the Master CAN'T get into in the first place? Hm?

Play us off, Adult Star Pilot!

You can follow David on twitter @TehRewbexCuweb